Planning is not one of my strong suits. I am infuriatingly reluctant to make plans with, rarely committing to future engagements. Neither of us know where we'll be, what we'll want, or whether we'll want to spend our precious time together. After all, what else can we sincerely commit to? If you're free and I'm free then we'll be free together. Broken plans drive me crazy. They kill me. The overwhelming expectation of having plans makes me anxious. I never want to do that to a anyone.
If you tell your wife you'll give her a back massage and don't, you've unnecessarily hurt her. If you just surprise her with one, she'll be smitten. Surprise me and I'll surprise you. Deliver. Don't talk about delivering. Plans and promises are disappointment in the making. While I'm sure there's flaws with my Stoic logic, for now I'm working under this maxim:
I make no promises. I break no promises.
I make no plans. I break no plans.
Being well aware of the negative consequences of this bit of life strategy, some qualifying remarks are in order. The spirit of this idea is to prevent heartache. At bottom, it is a comittment to the present. No more heavy lifting No more pulling teeth.
If we're to be star-crossed lovers, let it come. If we're to be ships passing in the night, let it come. If we're finding each other every night in revelry and celebration, let it come. I'm sure everything will work itself out in the end. Or it won't.
I fully intend to be present in these moments with you. Of this I promise. None of us have crystal balls. At this time and in this place, there's no place either of us would rather be. And isn't that something special. What happens to the nights that follow are anyone's guess. Let's let them unfold in their due course. Let's build monuments in sand and smile as the tide approaches.
Beautifully written Nick, but I find myself unable to commit to that maxim (although at times it would probably make things alot easier). For me, the expectation of having plans is both exciting and comforting, as long as the plans are something that I'm looking forward to and are with a person/persons whose company I enjoy. This is not to say that I don't welcome some spontaneity and serendipity, because I do. Living in the moment, in this time and in this place, and sharing an experience with someone can be something special. For me, hearing someone say, "I'm really looking forward to spending time with you at... (insert plan here)" is something just as special.
ReplyDeleteYou say that the spirit of the idea is to prevent heartache. No more heavy lifting. I say, "I'm ready for some heavy lifting! Who wants to join me?" Let's take a chance, let's make some plans, let's not just 'wait and see' what happens.
"Let's build monuments in sand and smile as the tide approaches" Amazing Nick! I may have to share that with some friends, giving you due credit of course :)
@Dave. This is the problem with me; you might have just persuaded me. Expect a possible retraction in the future. Damn you for making a good argument. I just don't know how to square your good idea with the world I live in where I develop expectations that are often unrealistic.
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